Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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