i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
