is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
