the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The best revenge is premature balding
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
