please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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