I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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