oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
