Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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