Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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