if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
