I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
