Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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