yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you had me at cake vodka
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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