He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
