whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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