Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
