all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
