i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have post one night stand depression
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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