I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
