i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Still dying that you shit outside
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
