Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
