i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
