so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
