my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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