wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Randomize
