Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
