Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
