K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
