Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
