what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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