so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
