And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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