I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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