i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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