Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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