I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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