Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
