You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
