I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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