Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
