Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
