Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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