My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
