I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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