How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
