The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
