It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The air taste purple.
Randomize
