i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
