I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
