I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
