i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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