You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
