i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
