is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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