I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
