I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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