I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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