guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
