I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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