I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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