"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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